The 19 Funniest Jürgen Klopp Quotes

11 games into the 2016-17 Premier League season and it is Liverpool who top the league with 26 points.  Could the title and European football be on the horizon for the Reds?  Think of what the Champions League odds could be for the Merseyside club given the football they are playing and the manager’s experience in Europe’s elite club cup competition.

Manager Jürgen Klopp has put together an exciting team, averaging nearly three goals per game – more than any of their competitors so far this season.

The charismatic German has charmed the media in his pre-match and post-match interviews and we wanted to share our favourite quotes from Kloppo:

“If that’s not a bullshit story I’ll eat my broomstick!”
During his time at Borussia Dortmund, star centre-back Mats Hummels was constantly linked with a move to Manchester United.  Jürgen Klopp all-but-confirmed that the 2014 World Cup winner would not be heading to Old Trafford with the above statement.  Hummels would later go on to join rivals Bayern Munich.

“They’re like the Chinese in business; they see what other people are doing and copy it – just with more money.”
Bayern Munich dominated the Bundesliga for three seasons under Pep Guardiola before the Spaniard moved to Manchester City this past summer.  Despite being a two-time champion of Germany with Borussia Dortmund, Jürgen Klopp failed to compete with Guardiola’s side, which led to him coming out with the above comment, presumably referring to Bayern buying two of the top stars from Klopp’s side – Robert Lewandowski and Mario Götze.

“It could have been a bit warmer.”
Following a 5-2 thrashing of rivals Bayern Munich in the 2012 German Cup final, the former-Dortmund head coach had the cheek to complain about the weather!

“He likes having the ball, passing, playing football. It’s like an orchestra – but it’s a silent song. I prefer heavy metal.”
Prior to a UEFA Champions League clash with Arsenal in 2013, Jürgen Klopp opted for a musical analogy to describe how his style of football differed from Arsène Wenger’s.

“How do you explain to a blind person what a colour is?”
The Revierderby is arguably the biggest rivalry in Germany.  When Borussia Dortmund and Schalke 04 meet it’s pretty intense.  Jürgen Klopp intensified things one season with this comment about Schalke fans.

“I’m proud of my first red card as coach. I approached the fourth official and said: ‘How many mistakes are you allowed to make? If it’s 15 then you’re allowed one more.'”
After defeat to Napoli in a Champions League group stage game, Klopp wasn’t afraid to speak out about the officials after being sent to the stands.

“It’s like someone having to play the chess world championships after 72 hours of sleep deprivation.”
The current Liverpool boss isn’t also afraid to speak out about fixture congestion either.  He can expect a lot of this in the Premier League in the future given the number of his rivals who have had issues with the FA’s arrangements over the years.

“We will wait for him like a good wife that is waiting for her husband to leave jail.”
He came out with a bizarre response to how his Borussia Dortmund team would cope without Mats Hummels…

Prior to his move to Liverpool Jürgen Klopp was strongly linked with a move to the Spanish La Liga.  When quizzed by one journalist in particular about learning the language he gave a sarcastic response.  Germans do love their beer after all:

Journalist: “Have you been taking Spanish lessons?”
Klopp: “Yes – I can now say ‘one beer please’!”

“We have a bow and arrow. The problem is Bayern have a bazuka – but then Robin Hood was quite successful.”
With Bayern Munich’s big money spending in comparison to both Borussia Dortmund and the rest of the Bundesliga, Klopp kept his chin up by referencing Robin Hood.

“We are facing the greatest challenge there is in football: to take on an Italian team that only requires a draw.”
To showcase his football knowledge ahead of a Champions League knockout round clash with Juventus in 2015 Klopp joked about how defensive Italian football teams play.  Unfortunately the Italian giants thrashed his side 5-1 on aggregate.

“The only thing I can say is that it was great. London is the town of the Olympic Games. The weather was good, everything is OK. Only the result is s—.”
After losing to Bayern Munich in the 2013 Champions League final at Wembley, the German coach enjoyed his time in London but for the rest of the football match.

“I told my players during the break: Since we’re here anyway, we might actually play a bit of football.”
Describing one particularly poor first-half performance he gave a half-time team talk for the ages.

“He’s leaving because he’s Guardiola’s favourite. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I can’t make myself shorter and learn Spanish.”
In a losing battle both in the league and keeping hold of his star players, Klopp was certainly disgruntled when discussing Mario Götze’s move to rivals Bayern Munich.

“When Dortmund last won here 19 years ago, most of my players were still being breast-fed.”
During his early days as Borussia Dortmund head coach, it had been a long time since the Yellow-Blacks last beat Bayern in Munich.

“I am ‘The Normal One’. I am a normal guy from the Black Forest. I was a very average player. I don’t compare myself with these genius managers from the past.”
Upon arriving on Merseyside he was immediately compared to the ‘Special One’ José Mourinho…

“I could play them all together. We could play 4-1-4! Hang on, I’ve forgotten a player haven’t I? Okay, 4-1-5!”
Discussing the number of injuries in midfield last season, Klopp joked that he may be forced to field all of his attackers… initially getting the number of players wrong!  Or perhaps it took him a second to remember that Daniel Sturridge was fit on this occasion…

“You have to get information in each situation. You’ll never find me three days after a win, drunk in a hedge and still celebrating.”
After a 2-0 defeat at West Ham, Klopp suggested that he would not sulk over the result just like he doesn’t over-celebrate victories.

“The best word I can say to describe this is: Boom!”
After hammering Manchester City 3-0 days after their League Cup final defeat to the same team the Liverpool manager was extremely happy with the result.